I don’t use Twitter — I think it’s stupid — but I feel like a hashtag is appropriate here for this post.
So it’s been more than a week now since I had my cortisone injections in my hips done. I thought I would feel better, but I’ve been feeling a lot worse. Before, I got pain in my hips (mostly left) after sitting for long periods of time, and some with activity. It was uncomfortable, but not horrible. Now, however, I’m getting a lot more pain in my hips while sitting, including groin pain on my left side. And it’s definitely worse the longer I stand and am active. And it’s interfering with my sleep. Last night was pretty horrible, and I had pain running all down my left leg. Miserable.
I still haven’t received the radiologist report about my hip x-rays, so I called my doctor’s office yesterday. They’re going to mail them to me, and she was able to briefly tell me the results over the phone. Yes, it’s hip impingement. I don’t know how bad, where, or what might be done about it, but hopefully I’ll know more when I get and review the results next week. I’ll probably also take them to my chiropractor for her to look at, since she might be able to help me figure out what the heck they mean. I just feel like, I’m only 22. I shouldn’t be having these problems that most older adults have, not at my age. I’m feeling pretty elderly today.
To make me more miserable health-wise, my mom and I were joking with my dad last night about how every allergy med makes him sleepy, even when they’re non-drowsy and have absolutely nothing in them that would make someone fall asleep. We’ve decided that it’s a psychological thing, and that even if we were to give him a placebo pill and tell him it was an allergy med, he would still fall asleep. For some reason, he thought we were calling him a hypochondriac. He laughed, and was like “I can’t believe that Jane, you of all people, are calling me a hypochondriac.” He said it jokingly, but it still really hurt.
I feel like this is how they think of me — that I’m always thinking I’m sick and looking for new problems for no reason. They just don’t get it. Fibromyalgia is a condition that has literally hundreds of symptoms associated with it, and a ridiculous amount of other diseases and syndromes associated with it as well. I’m always having to pay close attention to what’s going on in my body, and every day my pain is different and my symptoms manifest themselves in new ways. I just never know what it’s going to be like on a day-to-day basis. And it doesn’t help that there’s no actual test for fibro, so it’s all based on ruling out other conditions. All it takes is one single symptom to change my diagnosis to something else, for better or worse. I need to always be on the lookout and alert for any changes in my condition. Having someone say, even jokingly, that I’m a hypochondriac is incredibly hurtful, and makes me doubt myself. It makes me wonder if I am, and if it’s all actually in my head. It makes me feel ashamed and not want to get help for new symptoms and issues, and I know that that could be dangerous. But it doesn’t change that doubt and hesitancy.
I dunno. I was kind of down yesterday, between the pain and the hypochondriac issue. And my jaw has suddenly flared up on my left side again,and has been painful and clicking, which makes it difficult to eat or talk. And the stress of not knowing what could happen with my hip, and the threat of surgery hanging over me. It’s just not what I want to deal with at 22 at the beginning of what might be my last real summer. I wish I could just have a week where I didn’t have to worry about any of this, and could just be a normal 22 year old. Meh. Maybe tomorrow will be better.