So I went and worked out twice this weekend! I’ve been wanted to get back into the groove (“Back”? Who am I kidding, “back”? I was never in the groove) of working out regularly. It’s been hard, as I’ve been super busy this semester, and because I’m only now finally getting my fibromyalgia under enough control to be able to exercise without bad flare-ups. But now I’m really excited, because I’ve had two work outs and no increased pain except some expected muscle soreness!
Today, I have sore abs and sore shoulders/arms/pecs, which is absolutely great. Those are really the areas that I want to slim down (along with butt, of course — who doesn’t?), and I’m finally in a place where I can do that. And I’m trying to eat better (and less) to get that area jump-started as well. I’d like to say that I’m doing this just to get healthy, but that would be lying. I’m doing this to ose weight and get skinny, as shallow as that sounds.
It’s important to me that I do this right, even though I’m struggling with that. I’ve gained a lot of weight over the past year or two. My freshman year I was down to about 140 — a real low for me, and I loved it! — but after having a laparoscopy and going on depo provera, I started gaining again. And then the Lyrica was kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m coming down from the most that I’ve ever weighed, and I’m desperate to get rid of that weight. The past year or so has been really hard emotionally dealing with that, because I honestly loathe the way that I look, which I’ve never admitted to anyone. I just want to look like I did freshman year. I know that I’m not being rational when I compare myself to women on television or magazines, or even those I just see around campus, but I can’t help it. I’ve been having to stop myself from thinking “Well, if I just don’t eat X, then I won’t have to burn off those calories” at pretty much every meal. I’m a psychology major currently in a class solely about eating disorders. Bro, I can’t develop an eating disorder while in a class about them. Part of me recognizes the signs, but then the rest of me is like “I’ll never get an eating disorder — I know too much about them and am to smart about stuff like that to get one!” (which I absolutely know is not true). I like to think that I would get help as soon as I recognized that things were getting out of hand, but I don’t know if that would happen.
Blah. These are just things that have been kind of weighing on me (ha, pun!). I’m just excited that I’m finally able to get into an exercise routine, though, and am hoping that this it finally pays off. I’ll probably post stuff here to try and hold myself accountable, so here we go! 175ish lbs, 40 to go!